Big Feelings
As parents, we have all been there: in line at the grocery store, getting ready for bed, saying goodbye to Grandma… and then here it comes, like a train you know you can’t stop: the Temper Tantrum. If you are one of those parents who is always left scratching their head when you are told what an angel your child is, congratulations! You have effectively created a Safe Space for your kiddo. Kids yell, scream, cry, and kick at people whose love and support they feel is unconditional. People who will still be there no matter how they act. I know, it’s not the trophy you deserve, but when your child openly feels their Big Feelings, it is a #ParentingWin.
So what is a well-meaning parent to do when these feelings rear their ugly heads? The instinct to rush in and fix the situation is strong. We want to make it stop, to ease their pain, to keep the scene from escalating. But here's the truth: when we rush in to "fix" things, we risk sending the message that their feelings are something to avoid or suppress. We might unintentionally make them feel like their Big Feelings aren’t welcome, and that's the last thing we want.
The key is to acknowledge that these emotions are valid. Big feelings are part of growing up. Kids need space to experience them without fear of being judged or dismissed. It’s hard to see our children upset, but by allowing them to feel deeply, we help them learn that their emotions are not something to run from. This work doesn’t end when they outgrow the temper tantrums. It’s a foundation that will serve them well through adolescence and into their teenage years. As they get older, they’ll face more complex emotions, and it’s critical that they learn early on that feelings aren’t a problem to be solved, but a part of life to be understood.
Encouraging self-expression is another crucial step. Whether it’s through words, art, or play, giving children the tools to express what they’re feeling helps them process it more effectively. Play can be especially powerful—it allows them to work through emotions in a safe, controlled environment. But even as they get older, helping them find ways to express themselves becomes even more important. Adolescents and teens will often struggle to articulate their feelings, so encouraging creative outlets and conversations around their emotions can make a big difference in the long run.
And then, there’s patience. Children don’t always know how to handle big emotions, and it can take time for them to sort through it. As they grow, the process may become more complex, but it’s just as important to give them space. The teen years can be a whirlwind of change, and that’s when the emotional resilience we’ve nurtured in their younger years will pay off. You’re not there to solve their emotions, you’re there to support them as they navigate them, whether they’re 5 or 15.
Ultimately, what your child needs most is your presence. By showing them that it’s okay to feel deeply, to be upset, and to experience emotions fully, you’re helping them build emotional resilience for the future. As they transition from childhood to adolescence, this support will guide them through many emotional challenges, from friendships to school stress, to romantic relationships, and beyond. They’ll learn that feelings are part of life—and they can navigate them with support, not shame.
So, while the tantrums and tears may be overwhelming in the moment, remember that by allowing your child to feel and express their emotions, you’re giving them an invaluable gift: the tools to understand and manage their Big Feelings, for years to come.
